


Second Time Around

by supercalvin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Arthur Pendragon Returns, Fluff, M/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 01:29:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1180294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercalvin/pseuds/supercalvin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Arthur returns, life between Merlin and Arthur is not the same as it was. They have a fight and try to figure things out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Time Around

**Author's Note:**

> Angst angst angst

Their second lifetime, as Merlin and Arthur had come to see it, was not always perfect. They were still just those two boys who had become friends despite all their differences. Arthur wasn’t a prince anymore, nor was he a King, but he was destined for something great. Merlin wasn’t a servant anymore, but he was still a very powerful sorcerer.

And that would be where their problems stemmed.

It had started out as a mellow argument. It wasn’t the teasing remarks that they normal threw at each other. Those in fact had disappeared altogether. They were still Merlin and Arthur, but there was an awkward wall between them that a thousand years had built. They had never talked about Arthur’s death or the revelation right before it, but it was bound to come to a head eventually. Each word was sharper and sharper, every sentence getting deeper and deeper, cutting close to feelings which were well concealed.

Then Arthur made the final strike.

“ _I’m_ _stupid_? Yes, I guess I’m just an _idiot_ , a _bigger_ idiot than even _you_.” Arthur yelled. “Tell me Merlin, why does everyone _betray_ me?”

The words hung in the air. The implications were very clear and they stung like embers flying in the air. At this point both of them were very angry and not in any state to think rationally.

It was very silent in their small flat, which was a stark contrast to the screaming which had filled the air in the last five minutes. Arthur realized what he said, but he didn’t take it back. Not because he didn’t regret it or because he believed it, but he was angry and wasn’t the type of person who would back down from a fight.

Merlin was glaring at Arthur with clenched fists, thin lips, and tightened jaw. He looked angrier than Arthur had ever seen him before.

“ ** _Don’t_**. **You**. **Dare**.” Merlin growled. His eyes began to glow gold and the room was almost vibrating with the magic coming from the warlock. The magic didn’t even look intentionally. Arthur would have been frightened if he hadn’t been so angry. “ **Don’t you dare, Arthur.** ”Merlin wasn’t yelling anymore but his deep voice reverberated through the room. “I _never_ betrayed you. How dare you. _How dare you._ I lied to you in order to keep you _safe_.”

“Don’t _you_ dare downplay ‘your _secret_.’” Arthur hissed the words. “You were a powerful sorcerer. You weren’t even the person I thought you were.” Arthur ignored the shaking furniture around him.

A glass smashed to the floor in the kitchen.

“I never _acted_ like anyone but myself with you. If I had told you, you would have had me killed, and if I was dead there wouldn’t have been anyone to keep your _fucking_ neck out of danger.”

“Well that’s just great because _look what happened_.” Arthur gestured to where the scar from Mordred’s sword was still evident beneath his shirt.

Merlin didn’t even scream words, only a sound of outrage.  He looked ready to kill Arthur himself. His magic picked up the nearest object, a mug, and threw it at Arthur. But Arthur was already moving toward the door, grabbing his keys and jacket. He opened the door, not even looking at Merlin one last time before he walked out, slamming the door behind him.  

He heard noise come from the flat, what might have been breaking objects and muffled yelling, but he was too caught up in cursing every object in sight. He was pulling on his jacket and thinking about going for a long walk and never coming back. He didn’t know anyone in this century, but if he did, he would have gone to their place until he could find his own. He was so angry he didn’t even notice the figure across the hall.

“Oh darling.” he heard someone say. He looked up to see Mrs. Ingalls, their elderly neighbor from across the hall, in her doorway. He realized that everyone in the building had probably heard their yelling. He felt a little embarrassed, but he was still too angry to be too apologetic.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you. It’s nothing to worry about.” he said tersely.

“It didn’t sound like nothing.” she said. She was the type of person who had a lot of spring to her step, despite her age. She tilted her head to the side for a moment, and must have made a decision because she said, “Come inside Arthur, I’ll make you a cuppa.”

“I was just going for a walk, thank you though.” he said civilly.

“Come on now. It’s raining, and you’ll get soaked.” she opened the door wider and didn’t wait for Arthur to argue. He thought about getting soaked in the rain and then he thought about having nowhere to go. He sighed and took off the jacket he had just donned.

“There you go, sweetheart.” She said, taking his jacket and closing the door behind him. “I’ve had a row or two in my day, but that has to beat all mine put together.” she said.

Arthur flinched, still feeling his anger swirl in the pit of his stomach. “I’d rather not talk about it, actually.”

“Just let me say this, Arthur.” she said seriously, “That boy was a wreck when you came back.”

“You know about that?” he asked, stunned for a moment out of his anger.

She shrugged, and led Arthur into her living area. “You were unconscious in the hospital. A man with no identification who had washed up on the shores of a lake, with Merlin was in hysterics. I asked the right questions and he needed someone to listen.” She made Arthur sit on the couch as she tidied up the table in front of him.  She reminded him of Gaius.

“I’ve never seen him so shaken up.” she continued.

Pinching the bridge of his nose like that would help the words that were swirling in his head, he said, “Then you probably know what we were fighting about, then?”

“Oh heavens no.” she replied. “Merlin told me you were King Arthur, or whatever the fancy title is, and that he’s _the_ Merlin, but he was tight as a clam shell about anything else.”

Arthur swallowed and nodded. His anger was slowly shifting into guilt and a heavy feeling of sadness.

“These kinds of things, quarrels and rows, happen.” she said, patting his hand. When Arthur looked up at her all she said was, “I’ll make you that cuppa” as if it could fix Arthur’s mood.

Arthur knew he was in the wrong. He was aware even while he was saying it, that he was wrong. But everything since he had come back had been so different. Yes the technology, the language, the culture was one thing, but those were things he could learn. He had been given visions while in Avalon of the world and he had learned about the modern world quite quickly.  He wasn’t completely hopeless on that account.

But things with Merlin were all wrong. Merlin was the one thing he had left of his old life (excluding Excalibur). Merlin was still the same old _Merlin_ , yet he was different. He had lived over a thousand years on his own and hundreds of lives in dozens of countries. Merlin, despite everything, was still _Merlin_.

All this didn’t even include the problem that Merlin hadn’t been the Merlin Arthur thought he had been. For Arthur, the surprise of Merlin’s magic had changed into another fact of life, he accepted it rather quickly. He never thought Merlin had betrayed him.  Arthur knew Merlin had lived his life (and the many lives which followed) only for Arthur. It just made Arthur’s words during their fight seem even worse, because Merlin had dedicated his never-ending life to Arthur, and this was how he repaid him.

“Oh darling, it’s alright.” Mrs. Ingalls came back with a cup of tea for him. She rubbed his back as she sat down next to him. Arthur rubbed his face, trying to make it stop looking so pitiable. He didn’t deserve this pity. And he definitely didn’t deserve Merlin.

“Ever since…” Arthur began. “It hasn’t been the same.” he explained. “Everything’s different, and yet we’re trying to act like everything’s the same and everything’s _fine_. I think we finally cracked.” He looked at the tea but couldn’t even think of stomaching the simple beverage.

Mrs. Ingalls was a comforting type of lady, but she was also the type of lady who could see through any type of person. It’s probably the reason she figured out Merlin despite his secrecy.

“Arthur, you may have rifts, but you haven’t _broken_ anything with Merlin.”

Arthur shook his head. “We weren’t…” he searched for the right words. “We weren’t working correctly, even before this fight. It was already broken, whatever _it_ was.”

“I don’t think so.” she said lightly. “You’re two pieces, and you just need to be glued back together. You need the right glue, that’s all.”

“The right glue…” he repeated. “This isn’t so easily fixed, Mrs. Ingalls. I don’t understand it,” Arthur said mostly to himself, “We’re nothing alike. He’s _waited for hundreds upon hundreds of years._ Am I supposed to just _accept_ that?” Arthur said, looking straight at her. “Oh hey Merlin, nice to see you, how long has it been? Oh since the 6 th century? Oh nice to see you too, mate.” he said bitterly.

“Arthur, don’t be funny.” she scolded harshly.

“He’s _lived his life_ for me, and I feel like _nothing_ next to him.” Arthur groaned. He only realized that was how he felt until he said it out loud. He was surprised at his own confession.

“Now you listen to me very carefully, Arthur Pendragon.” she said sharply, “I know nothing of the Arthurian Legends, and I’m sure it is all wrong anyway, but if I know anything, it’s that you are an _important_ leader, who has done great things, and will go on to do more great things. You are a good man and _that man_ ” she pointed to where Merlin was on the other side of the hall, “thinks you are the world.”

Arthur gaped at her, a little shocked at her bluntness. But, _damn_ , she was right.

“You boys.” she sighed, “Doesn’t matter how old you are, how magical, how important, you’re all the same.” she said wisely, “You just need a little guidance.”

Arthur put his head in his hands.  “He thinks I’m the world?” Arthur repeated, knowing it was true without needing to ask. He laughed sourly. “I wouldn’t be alive without him. What would I have ever done without him? _He’s_ the world to _me_.”

She patted Arthur’s knee. “From what I see of Merlin, I know he has a big heart, and believe me when I say most of it belongs to you.”

“I think…” Arthur began slowly. “I’ll let things cool down.” He gestured to the other side of the hall, where Merlin was surely still very angry with him. “Then I’ll…I’ll go talk to him.”

“Love conquers all.” she recited confidently.

Arthur huffed out a small laugh. “It’s not like…” he stopped when he saw her glare.

 “Drink your tea.” she ordered. And he did, knowing that he had a lot to think about.

~

It had been a few hours since he had walked out of their flat. The sun had fully set and the London streets were beginning to light up in an array of colors. Arthur had been sitting and reading the newspaper with Mrs. Ingalls, mostly thinking about Merlin and less about news.

When he finally got the courage enough to go back the flat, it was completely silent. Arthur turned on the light in the hall and saw the wreckage of Merlin’s magic. Furniture was overturned and objects were everywhere. Nothing looked broken, only scattered around the room. Not broken, just needed to be arranged back into place, Arthur thought.

He didn’t want to call out and break the silence. Merlin must have heard him come into the flat, but he hadn’t made any noise to indicate where he was. Luckily Merlin wasn’t that hard to find. Merlin wasn’t in his bedroom, instead he found him in Arthur’s. He was lying on top of the blankets, curled onto his side. Arthur’s bedroom hadn’t been touched by the tornado Merlin had created. Arthur wasn’t sure why Merlin was in his room, until he realized that Merlin had been waiting for Arthur to return for over a thousand years and Arthur had walked out like Merlin meant nothing.

He sat down on his bed and reached out for Merlin. The warlock didn’t wake, so Arthur moved so that he was closer to Merlin. He rubbed Merlin’s arm, watching him sleep. He saw the dried streaks of tears along Merlin’s cheeks and Arthur felt a wave of guilt crash over him.

“Wake up, Merlin.” he said quietly.

“Arthur.” was the first thing Merlin mummbled, though he didn’t seem quite awake. It reminded Arthur how much he didn’t deserve this loyal and selfless man.

Arthur brushed his hand over Merlin’s hair, “Wake up.”

Merlin blinked his eyes and looked up at Arthur. “Oh.” he said. He moved to get out of Arthur’s reach. Arthur let him move and sit up, but Arthur didn’t move away from Merlin. Merlin sat up with his hands behind himself.

“Just let me get this out.” Arthur said with a deep breath.

“I didn’t mean anything I said to you. I was angry and not thinking straight. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry.” Arthur sighed, and then continued. “I was just so tired of acting like everything is okay when it’s not. Everything _isn’t_ fine, Merlin. You and I both know it. We want everything to be like it was in Camelot, but it’s not. Things have changed. I’ve been…” he gestured outside the window “ _away_. And here you’ve been, waiting and living for a thousand years. I feel…I feel _useless_ , Merlin. _Utterly useless._ You’ve done everything for me, and I’ve done nothing to repay you.”

Merlin stared at him for a long time, not saying anything.

“This is where you say something.” Arthur offered.

“You can’t possibly think you’re useless.” Merlin said suddenly.

Arthur looked away, confirming Merlin’s statement.

“ _Arthur_.” Merlin groaned. “I didn’t wait this long to give you a pep talk.”

Arthur gritted his teeth. “That’s what I mean. You’ve been waiting around for me, but what have I done, Merlin? I don’t deserve your loyalty.”

“Don’t be stupid Arthur.” Merlin said sternly, like Arthur had said something absurd. Arthur tightened his fists and tried to keep himself from showing too much. Merlin shifted his weight on the bed so he was sitting next to Arthur. “… Okay, so we’re not the same. But we’re still us. Arthur, if I believe in anything after all these years, it’s you…and me.”

“Destiny?” Arthur asked mockingly.

“Well there is the prophecy, the two halves of a whole stuff” Merlin said like an aside, “but that’s not what I mean. In Camelot you were the only one I could rely on, which sounds mad to you, I guess, because I never _told_ you… but Arthur, you were everything I had.”

Arthur sighed. “And then I yell at you and leave the flat in a rage, after you’ve waited so long.”

“That’s not the point, Arthur. It doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t be us if we didn’t fight.”

“I made you cry.” Arthur said quietly, pointing out the difference between this fight and all the little teases.

Merlin wiped his face, but the tears had dried. “I cried because you’re right, things aren’t the way they used to be. _What I would give_ to have you throw something at my head when I wake you in the morning.”

Arthur couldn’t help the laugh that burst from his chest.

Merlin ploughed on. “I want to clean the floor, for the gods’ sake. I want to write your speeches for you. I want to serve mulled wine at a feast.” Merlin shook his head, his small smile fading away. “I want to fight off evil creatures. All those years, I wanted to fight by your side, my magic with your sword. Don’t you get it Arthur? We’re equal, you’re not useless and I’m not useless. But we have to work together, or else...”

“We’ll both be useless.” Arthur supplied. Merlin nodded. “We can do that. We can be the two halves we were before.”

“We’re not broken…we just need…” Merlin held out his hand like the solution would come to him.

“Rearranging.” Arthur said.

Merlin smiled at him and Arthur began to think that maybe they could work together again.

“We can do that.” Merlin said.

“We can, because I have a plan.”

“What?” Merlin asked surprised. “You can’t possibly have a plan already.”

“Of course I can. I’m Arthur Pendragon.” Arthur boasted, hoping it would cheer Merlin up.

“You’ve been reading Arthurian Legends, haven’t you? You know they’re all incorrect, right?” Merlin teased.

“No I haven’t, but Mrs. Ingalls is a very wise woman and she might have helped.”

“You’ve been talking with Mrs. Ingalls?” Merlin asked in a stunned tone.

“Yes…” Arthur tapped his fingers for a second, getting nervous, but deciding to plough on. “She gave me some good advice too.”

“And what did she say?” Merlin asked.

Arthur looked at Merlin, seeing the man he had relied upon for so many years and knowing that Merlin was his other half.

“She said I mean the world to you.” Arthur didn’t look away from Merlin. “And I’m sure she’s right,” Arthur laughed nervously, “But I also realized that you mean the world to me. And wouldn’t all this have been a hell of a lot easier if we had just… _said_ something?”

A small smile appeared on Merlin’s lips. “You always did hate expressing your feelings.”

Arthur bit back the ‘Shut up, Merlin’ that was on the tip of his tongue.

“How about this?” Merlin said, rearranging himself so that he was face to face with Arthur. “You were the best king I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of kings.”

Arthur smiled. “If you had had any skill with a sword I would have knighted you.”

“That would have been a sight to see.” Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Yeah. Maybe I would have made you court sorcerer.” Arthur offered. Merlin was looking at him with that unknowable look, until he said:

“I missed you a hell of a lot.”

“I wish you hadn’t had to wait.” Arthur responded. Then Merlin was in his arms, hugging him tightly. He was still all limbs and Arthur wondered why they had rarely embraced when they were in Camelot.

“I love you.” Merlin whispered, barely audible.

“Shut up, Merlin.” Arthur said, holding him tight. “You idiot” Arthur buried his nose in the hairs at the back of Merlin’s neck. “I love you too, but it seems so stupid to say because of course I do.”

Merlin shivered in his arms and pulled away so they were face to face. He was teary-eyed again, but he was laughing this time. “Prat” Merlin said right before he kissed Arthur.

Arthur pulled Merlin close, arranging his arms and legs so that Merlin was practically in his lap. Merlin held him like he wasn’t ever going to let go. Arthur rolled them so that Merlin was beneath him, and started kissing Merlin’s neck.

“Did you love me Merlin? Even in Camelot?”

“I’ve always love you, you clotpole.” Merlin whined as Arthur sucked a bruise onto his collarbone.

“But did you want me?” Arthur asked, pulling off his shirt and running his hands up into Merlin’s.

Merlin let out a puff of breath. “Not always…I was too focused on destiny for anything else.” Merlin groaned when Arthur started a trail of kisses along his chest.

“But?”

“After you died… “ Merlin’s sad note was swallowed by Arthur’s lips, kissing away the sound. Merlin gasped when Arthur pulled away again. Arthur pulled off Merlin’s shirt. “I saw how much I missed you, how much I wanted you. I’d lived so long knowing that you were my other half while ignoring myself.”

Arthur thought of Merlin, so dedicated that he hadn’t even thought of finding someone. Arthur remembered how odd it seemed to him that Merlin would have a sweetheart. Merlin was only his; anyone else having him seemed absurd.

“Have you been with anyone?” Arthur asked.

“Yes.” Merlin blushed. “Years of waiting, I wasn’t exactly celibate.”

Arthur held his breath for a moment, trying to overcome this new feeling of jealousy. Merlin kissed him though, and the feeling was gone. “Only for you, Arthur” Merlin said, repeating the worlds he had said the night he revealed his magic. Arthur groaned and kissed Merlin soundly.

“Magic your trousers away” Arthur commanded, half joking, half serious. Merlin laughed, his eyes flashing golden. Both of their jeans disappeared and Arthur was grateful. He grinded his hips onto Merlin and Merlin’s laugh changed into a breathy moan. “You’re mine,” Arthur breathed into Merlin’s ear, biting and licking it. “Two parts of a whole. Only I can have you.”

Merlin’s hands palmed Arthur’s arse, pushing it down. “Arthur” he breathed, “If you’re going to do something, now would be a good time.”

Arthur laughed and pulled down Merlin’s pants. He had never been with a man, but being with Merlin felt more than natural, it felt instinctive. He breathed on the head and licked the underside of Merlin’s erection. Merlin moaned and gripped the sheets. Arthur took him in and sucked lightly.

“Oh gods.” Merlin’s legs were trembling and Arthur soothed him by rubbing his thigh. Something knocked over on the night stand, but Arthur was sure they hadn’t knocked it over. Merlin’s magic was lashing out. Compelled to try and make Merlin lose more control he took him more of Merlin in. The room began to glow, like embers from a camp fire. Arthur looked up at Merlin and saw him watching Arthur. Arthur continued, kissing and stroking until Merlin’s entire body tightened with his orgasm and the room crackled into light and magic. Arthur stroked him through it until Merlin was pliant beneath him. Merlin pulled Arthur up and kissed him lazily, despite where Arthur’s mouth had been.

A flash behind his eyelids and Arthur’s pants were gone. Arthur was too stunned by the hand immediately on him to laugh at Merlin’s eagerness. Arthur groaned as Merlin’s hand pumped him and his lips left a wet trail on his neck. “You’re mine too, you know.” Merlin whispered, and it was enough to set Arthur over the edge.

Arthur crashed on top of Merlin, who only lavished him with more kisses. With a wave of his hand Merlin’s magic cleaned them both.

They rearranged themselves so that they were settled face to face.

“Thank you.” Merlin said.

Arthur cocked an eyebrow at him but Merlin shook his head, “Those were the last words you ever said to me. I just wanted you to hear them from me too.”

Arthur smiled and dragged Merlin closer, pulling the blankets over their bodies.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything sexual in a very long time, so...here you go, I guess?


End file.
